A memoir by Father Sandu Tudor
In order to help remove any confusion and to clarify as much as possible as far as I am concerned, I feel it necessary to give this brief autobiographical account:
I was born in Bucharest on 24 December 1896. The son of a poor intellectual, my father a simple and honest magistrate who lived on his meagre salary, I knew from childhood the hardships and privations of a large family.
I did my first studies at the high school in Ploiești, supported myself by my studies, worked hard and was one of the leaders of my generation. In the face of the scepticism and bourgeois conformism that dominated the first years of my childhood and schooling, faith and its clarity were revealed to me as an unshakable support and a true heroism, whose living example was shown to me by the old and famous, then professor of history and philosophy, Ion Niculescu Dacian, my first tutor. He put the Gospels in my hands and made me understand that the inner life, piety, which many people carry and present as a weakness, is on the contrary a boldness and a powerful challenge in life.
His influence on me was strong and lifelong. His social Christianity, which emphasised the law of justice immanent in history, taught me to love the many, the disadvantaged and the ordinary, and to understand the struggle of their cause.
The war took me out of school to take its toll in my final year. In 1916, at the age of 20, I was a second lieutenant at the front. I was under arms until the beginning of 1921, when I was finally discharged. With great enthusiasm I came to Bucharest to continue my university studies. During this time I began my life as a publicist and I tried to paint as well, attending the Academy of Fine Arts. The total lack of funds forced me to return to my parents’ house in Constanța. Here, as a former officer at the front, I was able to join the Romanian navy as an assistant officer (1922 – 1924).
After several journeys, my literary ambitions and a real hunger for books, I returned to Bucharest. I managed to be appointed as a substitute teacher at the rural high school in Pogoanele, where I spent three days a week and the rest in Bucharest to keep in touch with the necessary environment of study and emulation.
In Bucharest, in addition to my literary activity, I worked actively as the director of the student charity opera, but this activity was completely altruistic and free, within the framework of the Christian Students’ Association. In 1927 I wrote a religious poem in verse, The Akathist of St. Dimitri Basarabov, which was successful and was approved by the Holy Synod. But the effort was too much for me, so in 1927, when the Dean of the Faculty of Theology in Chișinău, Fr. Gala Galaction, who knew my theological concerns and my work in this field, called me, I received the post of Deputy Director of the Theological Boarding School in Chișinău, where I carried out a well-known spiritual activity.
In 1928, as a result of my activity, the University of Bucharest appointed me Secretary of the University Office, in order to intensify my work with students. During all this time I did not interrupt my studies and my theological preoccupations, so that in 1929 I managed to obtain a scholarship and to make a journey to the Holy Mount Athos, from which I returned with a rich experience that would have strong consequences in my later life. In 1930, active Christianity and openness to the problems of left-wing philosophical and social thought led me to publish The Flower of Fire, around which a number of young writers, both Christian and …
A whole dialectical battle is going on in the columns of this magazine. Among others, Al. Sahia, Ghiță Ionescu, Lezpezeanu, Alfons Adania, etc., who can freely confess their leftist convictions. The magazine is a true and bold organ of the avant-garde. And more. Without deviating in any way from my Christian but left-wing convictions, I actively collaborate in the underground struggle, with which I have direct links. I was one of the first to found the group and the antifascist struggle, together with Constantinescu-Iași and Alexandru Mihăileanu.
I am also the editor of the clandestine Antifascist Bulletin, for which I write and sign articles. Wanting to know in detail everything that was happening in the Soviet world, I was one of the first members of the Romanian delegation to go to the Theatre Congress in Moscow in 1933. But Securitate wouldn’t give me a passport stamp, so I couldn’t leave. A week later, however, I saw myself published in the Journal of Moscow as having arrived there with the rest of the Romanian delegation.
In 1933-38 I appeared in the newspaper “Credința”, a popular daily, in the same spirit as Floarea de Foc and where my main collaborators were Zaharia Stancu, Al. C. Constantinescu, Cicerone Teodorescu, Jebeleanu, etc. All the problems and needs of the workers find a place in the columns of this newspaper. And when, for example, Professor Constantinescu from Iasi was arrested, the undersigned defended him in an article. The anti-Hitlerist struggle was now waged with greater strength and success. So did the fight against anti-Semitism. The newspaper Porunca Vremii is our greatest enemy. On the initiative of these hooligans, the newspaper “Faith” is burned in the markets as being sold to “Jews”. Octavian Goga comes to power and suspends our newspaper, which soon ceases to appear altogether and is finally closed down and declared bankrupt by the authorities.
Since 1939, I have been concentrated almost continuously. In 1941, I returned from the front and was transferred to a technical school for motor mechanisation as a commander and teacher. As I was still under arms on 12 November 1942, I was arrested by the General Security for no reason, together with other left-wing members and journalists, and interned in Târgu-Jiu. I was released, however, on the intervention of the Ministry of War, the Higher Directorate of Mechanisation, which needed me at the Technical School. I remained under arms until 1942.
In 1942, I tried to write “Flower of Fire ” again and resume writing, but the old regime did not allow me to do so.
When I was liberated and returned home, I found, as a direct result of the war, that my family life had broken down for the third time, in a way that no longer allowed any compromise. Nothing could make me decide to resume a new experience of domestic life. From now on I will give all my strength to the strongest and deepest vocation of my life. I have decided to serve only Christ and His eternal truths. I am tired of the temporal.
In 1945 I entered Antim Monastery as a brother. In my soul I gave myself to the new life with a strength and intensity that gave me joy and made me a different person. I am full of hope that I will now be able to make more and more fruitful use of my understanding and my desire to be of service to my fellow human beings, especially those who are suffering. I work with zeal and enthusiasm in all areas. In this way I am able to contribute successfully to the restoration of the whole monastery, both the church towers and the renovation and furnishing of the trapeze and the library, etc.
I also try to improve everything else through a whole spiritual activity. A sense of proportion prevents me from speaking more about myself in the work and consequences of my total dedication that I have made in Antim Monastery.
But I must conclude by saying that my entry into monasticism was for me only the most natural and just fulfilment of my life. Therefore, if sincerity and consistency have always been a principle of mine, I could not now deny myself this gift and absurdly turn myself into a reactionary supporter of bankrupt movements in which I never believed and against which I fought, especially when they were in full bloom and could then be of some use to me. This is in reply to all malicious or slanderous information and insinuations”.
(Hieroschemamonk AGATON TUDOR – The Burning Bush, by Acad. o. Dr. Antonie Plămădeală)
*The memoir-biography is addressed to the communist authorities to defend themselves in the “Burning Bush” trial, written in a note to win the sympathy of the investigators. However, the courage with which the priest revealed to the oppressors his soul’s sentiments and his creed is very revealing.