Compromising the debunking process

It is said that “the year does not bring what the clock brings”. And, in truth, not even the most optimistic dreams would have led us to believe that we, who have gone through the trials and are still going through them, would no longer be tortured and forced to be informers and cause so much harm to our fellow human beings.

Sacrifice is the weapon to overcome hatred and hypocrisy. If until the sacrifice of these young men we were living the abominable sin of hypocrisy, their sacrifice lifted the veil from our faces.

We were still hated, despised and humiliated, because the name of student was synonymous with the most evil of men, but from that moment on, in the privacy of our consciences, we were free and at peace because we were no longer compelled to inflict suffering on our brothers.

Humility is not the same as humiliation. The contempt we experienced because of the misunderstanding of our brothers did not bring us to our knees, on the contrary. They saw appearances that they hated and despised; behind these appearances we experienced tragedy, but also reconciliation and satisfaction that the occult and the minions of Satan had not succeeded in turning us all into murderers and informers for life.

We carried this burden of hatred, contempt and disrespect, not only from other categories of prisoners, but even from our own comrades who had not gone through the unmasking. And it was only after the news of the execution of Țurcanu and his colleagues that the way in which we, the students, were seen changed 180 degrees.

After the sacrifice of the six young men, we were pointed at in all the workshops of Gherla, and everyone avoided us as if we were the plague. Fair judgement, for what we had been.

With mutual suspicion finally established between us, and the occult having achieved its goal of breaking the ties that bound us together, leaving us alone with ourselves, many of us also lost confidence in ourselves. What greater pain and suffering can man experience than to know that he no longer trusts the one he has loved, himself and his physical and moral strength?

This was the limit to which the devil took us through constant tortures, when he searched and chose among us the traitors.

From a certain point on, I did not see Țurcanu with Popa Țanu. Țurcanu no longer resembled the man he had been before. And we were convinced that after the martyrdom of the six, Țurcanu had been accused by Popa, and perhaps even by Zeller or Nicolski, of having finally compromised the secrecy of the information and the exposure.

As long as Țurcanu and Popa were in Gherla, the debunkings continued; then, under Juberian and Rek, the debunkings ceased, except in a few isolated cases. This was the greatest gain that the young legionaries had through God’s mercy and grace; God had mercy on us through those who were killed, snatching us from the clutches of damnation. No one can claim that sacrifice in the service of Christian good and truth is without result.

For the sacrifice of the good, God also has mercy on us, the weak and sinners.

For me, the great moral gain from stopping informing was that I did not end up giving information with serious consequences for the prisoner I mentioned, who did not suffer much because of me.

(Dumitru Bordeianu – Confessions from the Swamp of Despair)