Father Sofian the Gentle

In the service I attended, someone advised me to go to the Holy Monastery of Antim, where there were beautiful services, a wonderful choir and much peace. He assured me that I would enjoy it and have a good time.

I arrived at the end of Vespers and there were only people waiting for Father Sofian to go to confession. I didn’t know the rules and I didn’t know Father Sofian. I walked nervously towards the icons to pray, and suddenly Father Sofian appeared and asked me with a warm voice: “Do you want to go to confession?” Confused, I replied, “No, I have never confessed!” He didn’t look surprised and said reassuringly: “Wait a moment, I’ll give you a book”.

I left the church and waited for him. He left everything he had to do and walked slowly towards the cell of his holiness, carrying a small book – it was a prayer book – which I kept as a precious gift.

This was to be the beginning of my spiritual journey. He said: “Take this book, look at it and come back.” I was amazed that he didn’t scold me for my indecent dress and just smiled. I had makeup put on, had my hair done, lipstick on my lips, dressed up. I was in no way ready for going to a monastery or having a talk to a confessor. I cried and said to myself, “I don’t even know who I was talking to. I should have gone back and asked who this humble Father was, so that next time I would know who to ask for”.

When I got home, I opened the prayer book and while I was reading it, I found what I was interested in, the sins: what they are, how many there are. It was preparation for confession. I had no peace. I was burning with the desire to return to that gentle, serene Father.

I went back to Vespers. There was a large crowd and I waited for the prayer before confession to begin. I was sitting in a corner and I didn’t know how I was going to be alone with Father. Suddenly I saw Father looking at me from the crowd, smiling softly and asking me: “Are you going to confess?” “Yes,” I replied resolutely, although I was not ready. “Then get on your knees, we’ll say the prayer.”

In a low voice he began to say the prayers of confession. As I sat on my knees, my whole life flashed before me and I began to cry, unable to stop. A hand gently touched my head and I was told: “Get up, the prayer is over, the Father is calling you”. Father, seeing my condition, said calmly: “Tell me, I am listening. Tell me what is troubling you and I will try to help you”.

I began to say my worries in no particular order, randomly, as my soul was in fact. Father encouraged me not to be ashamed and to say everything that was on my mind. When I had finished, he sent me to the nuns’ convent to ask for a confessional guide, to study it and then return to him. Father expected me to confess. I had many obstacles and temptations. He was patient and forgiving with me and knew how to draw me closer in order to save my soul.

After confession I was a different person. Father’s gift and grace had helped me to unburden myself and free myself from my sins. I walked down the street as if I did not touch the ground. I wanted everyone to taste the joy that Father had given me. I wanted to remain in his counsel. I didn’t miss any service as long as my schedule allowed. I did everything I could to read as much as I could about the saints of old times. I did nothing without Father’s blessing.

I decided to go to the monastery. My resolve was unwavering, decisive. In a few words, I said to the Father who asked me, “Aren’t you in a hurry?” He advised me first to make 40 Paraklesis of Our Lady. “Don’t hurry,” he told me, “It may be a passing thing. Don’t be sorry later. It is not easy to start a new life and you are not so young. I went to the monastery when I was 14, at a very young age. There are a lot of difficulties in the monastery that you are not used to”.

Under Father’s guidance, the way to the monastery was easy for me, it was like flying. He sent me to investigate several monasteries and then told me to go to one of the poor monasteries in the countryside to take the “widow’s two cents”.

It was very hard at first, I didn’t know what to do, especially with the cows. When I went back to Father, he told me: “Well, Sister N., my first obedience was to take care of the pigs and I passed it with flying colours!”

With great indulgence, kindness and a benevolent smile, he supported me through the difficult period of my first temptations. For many years he guided me from the shadows; though far away, he advised me by letter what to do when I needed it. With almost every problem that arose, big or small, he told me: “You don’t have to want to be great, you must always be in obedience that no one else wants and do what you don’t like, because only then can you – truly – humble yourself”.

One of the days I spent with Father Sofian in the kitchen of Antim Monastery was to convince me of his humility and patience. On a hot summer day, after the Holy Mass, I waited for him at the table. He made the hour-long walk from the church to the kitchen through the crowd that stopped him in the courtyard. Those who stopped him would give him a blessing and a few words. He spent 10-15 minutes with each person. When he finally arrived, I said to him, “Father, how hard it was for you to get to the cell!” Father replied: “What can I do, Sister N., when the holy church is so far away?” I had no comeback to say.

I ran to Bucharest when I found out that he was in a coma. I attended his funeral and returned to my monastery with an unfulfilled emptiness in my soul, which he left to all his disciples.

A few days later he appeared to me in a dream, and I rejoiced and said to him, “Oh, Father, how good it is to see you! Please hear my confession too”. Father’s reply was: “At least do what I have taught you, for by now you know what you have to do!” And he disappeared.

For me he is a saint. When I am in trouble, I call on him for help and I feel his help.

(Mother Nectaria – Father Sofian, 2nd edition revised and completed by Constanța Costea and Ioana Iancovescu, Byzantine Publishing House, Bucharest, 2012, pp. 255-258)