“I am the Light of the World”
“I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.” (John 8:12).
I desired the Light of life, the heavenly Sun and the Kingdom of heaven with all the fire of my heart. To this end, I put away every worldly thought, and gradually, more and more, the light came, sprang from my heart and surrounded me.
On countless occasions I tried to free myself, to free myself from all sin and guilt, from all temptation and sin, to live without sin, but I did not succeed even here, in the isolation of the prison and in the minimal contingency[1] with others.
I finally understood that this was a pride that I had to guard against[2].
I continued to try, to strive for perfection and to pray humbly… But I noticed that after each of my falls, after each small or big slip or mistake that threw me back into darkness[3], through prayers made with ardour and effort, the light came back to me even more, stronger, revealing to me new mysteries of the Kingdom of Heaven.
When I saw my own spirit for the first time (I seemed to have disappeared as a body), I was amazed at the vivid and varied colours that made it up.
Another time, when the Light had come to stay longer in me and around me, I felt that I existed only through consciousness, that I was only Light.
In this state I saw in all directions: forwards, backwards, to the right, to the left… I tried to move forward and found that I was also forward and in the place where I had been at the beginning.
Suddenly, in front of me and not too far away, there appeared a bright sun, like the midday sun, which seemed to be the eye of God or my own consciousness, and through it I saw, further on, another sun, even brighter and more transparent… which had around it a new, clearer sky, which beat towards the light blue, vivid, pure, like the serene sky.
The first sky, around the first sun, was blue like the serene sky. I drew nearer and nearer to the second sun, and when I came within sight of it, I looked through it, and in the depths of its sky I caught a glimpse of another sun, so far away that I stopped in amazement, seized by an unbounded rapture which immobilised me, and I dared no more.
Another time, in the light, I saw the thunderbolts, at the base of which, like a bluish light, was the man deified according to the word of the Lord: “And you shall be gods”.
This is how the Eye of Shiva appeared to the yogis of India?!
That was it! But even now, 30 years later, all that I saw in the spirit is as vivid to me as it was then, but not with the newness and wonder with which I saw it in His glory.
(The complete writings of Blessed Elijah the Seer of God and his life, commented by his disciple and son in the Lord, Pr. Dr Dorin Octavian Picioruș. Vol. I, Theology for Today, Bucharest, 2010, pp. 306-307)
[1] Touching, outward connection with others.
[2] That is, the obstinate desire to want to be free from sin in everything.
[3] In blindness to divine light.