Sergiu: “God works where you don’t expect it through His saints, confessors in the communist dungeons”

In the warm waves of spring light, amidst the maternal sighs of May flowers, I had the spiritual joy of entering the strange land of Gherla Prison on the occasion of the feast of St. Evgeny Rodionov. Evgeny Rodionov (23 May 2012), with the beautiful intention of proclaiming to those imprisoned here the mutilation of a child of only 19 years, who preferred to deny himself to this deceitful world in the sincere hope of the resurrection in Christ, rather than accept the denial of Christ and the renunciation of the victory of the Cross.

As I stepped on the threshold of the Gherla prison, the testimonies of those who had suffered here, and not only here, but in all the communist prisons, unfolded in my mind, testimonies that urged me to bow my head to the ground and to walk with pain and unworthiness on this holy ground, a ground of Christian joy in suffering. I wondered in my heart if I would have the joy of feeling the holiness of the sufferings of those who suffered here, if I would not be miraculously stopped by the saints of the prisons, given my inner state, changed by adolescent falls into a rebellious world, uncertain and unsure of my faith in God! I would like to point out that I am a convinced Orthodox Christian, with theological studies, but at the same time a young man of today who, in the desire to conquer the world through a social position and a beautiful career, has left aside the joy of living in Christ, struggling to build my future alone, with my own intellectual strength, denying God’s help and His support.

It seems unbelievable, but that’s how I did it, that’s how I behaved! I went through all the “circles of hell” and tasted the filthy joy of the passions that plague adolescence far from Christ! But… if I have departed from God by putting Him in the shade, He has not departed from me for a moment! He remained in my own shadow, reminding me, whenever I encountered it, that He was there, waiting for me! In the few moments of self-control, during my great falls, I asked Him – sarcastically – to show me the way, since He says He wants to lead me out. And He didn’t hesitate, in His great love for mankind! While I was on a social network, I came across a story about happy confessors who suffered in communist prisons. Out of curiosity I opened the link, read it, then went to the website …. and the miracle happened. The first thing I did was to go to the mirror and look at myself and ask myself: “Who are you? How did you get here? Do you like the way you look? Are you proud of the way you look, given that in your country, in the town where you were born and where you grew up (Gherla), there is a shrine of martyrs from the communist era? Do you have anything else to say? Can you still go on the way you started?”…and so many questions! In a few days my life changed as I wanted to unravel the paths I was on and find a solution to return to my country and above all HOME in the Holy Church! And God helped me! But there were also a lot of temptations!

23 May 2012 – a day when Christ came out of my shadow and carried me through the corridors of Gherla prison, gave me the joy of feeling at home and the desire to ask for His friendship! Here I received the last and most difficult lesson of my search for Christ! I had the joy of meeting a young prisoner who, in his speech, summed up all the beauty of life in prison (even though he is under the punishment of his past deeds! be careful!). He confessed to us the joy of the spiritual readings, the spiritual experiences he is having here, and above all his desire to stay here until the end of his life, because he considers himself unworthy of the light of social freedom, because he has found Christ here, and because freedom frightens him, because he thinks that it could confiscate his great love: Christ – with tears in my eyes I looked at him, savoured his speech and could think no more! My mind and my being were at the feet of Christ, from where I looked at him with pain and shame, and saw, as if in his arms, all those who were imprisoned in the times of communism, rejoicing in his boundless grace!

When I came out, I felt ravished, humiliated, but also full of love! I could not think of anything else, except that God works where you do not expect Him to work, and that He works true miracles through His saints, witnesses of the faith in communist prisons! Since then, and to this day, my main concern has been to read as many books as possible about the sufferings of those imprisoned by the Communists, and to change my life as much as possible, bringing it closer to the simple and primary life of Christianity, in a world gripped by globalisation, giving up my career, my social position, the advantages of society, and leading a life as simple as possible and closer to the Church!

The holy prisoners of the communist prisons spoke to me through St. Yevgeny Rodionov, through everything I experienced there, telling me that nothing is more important in this life than faith in the Father of Light, and urging me to think more about death and its joy, in the hope that in the arms of Christ, in the Kingdom of Heaven, I will have the great joy of embracing all those who have suffered unjustly in prisons and who have chosen the mucous death, defying the kingdom of this world and the fleeting joys of a life confined by a filthy/atheistic/satanic system!

I thank with all my soul and being all those who suffered for Christ in the communist dungeons, because in this way I have found my Father again and I can enjoy life in Christ again, in all the unworthiness of my existence!

Holy Martyrs of the Communist Prisons, pray to God for us!

I humbly and lovingly offer a few personal verses to all those who suffered through Saint Evgeny Rodionov:

Lyrical Reflections on the Wondrous Passion of the Most Holy One, the New Martyr of Christ, the Russian soldier Evgeny

From faded times to my darkened present,
I feel the pain of earthly birth,
That envelops my alien youth of absurd times
With a sweet comfort, in my soul ravished!
Shall it be a sigh, or a tear, or a bitter memory?
I cannot know, for my soul is broken with grief…
I sit weary on the foot of the Crucifixion slab,
And I look up humbly to heaven,
And I wonder with sorrow in my wounded heart
Of my fleeting existence in the balance of dark judgment:
Why was I born in this world of nothing?
Why have I touched the world’s alien philosophy?
Why do I blossom in May and have a mute perfume?
Why is my soul a stranger to existence?
Why do I embrace a blue sea in a millennial vortex?
Why do I feel the ringing of a bell in my deaf conscience?
Why do I sing of the world’s layers, foreign appearances?
Why do I enjoy the hiss of springs and the scent of dandelions?
Why does my soul leap with unnatural peace?
Why do I? Why do I? Why do I? Feeling in the shadow of an atheist!
I’m always wondering… and hard tears are in my eyes!
My soul witnesses the enigma of nights, and I wander,
I wander under the Cross of Life, the mystery in the mirror!
A joy from the Sacred Baptism,
And I hear the sweet voice of an ancestral bell…
Around me throwing sarcastic and divine… fragrance,
And my voice is harsh and agitated, afraid of the dead!
It seems to me that centuries have passed and history is my mother!
I seek my Father desperately through the Cross of Baptism!
Do you ask me how I know His mystery and light from Scripture?
O stranger, brother! I’m ashamed to tell of your remoteness,
The pain and sigh of a censored existence!
I can confess to you without words, both: pain, pain, pain…
Stranger being on the world’s science-covered alleys,
Of ethnic hatred and politics in the existence of earthly spirit!
Blind I travel the Path of Light to infinity,
And my footsteps unknowingly haunt the sound of a drum,
On the steps of the foreign portative of the World’s music,
And it seems as if a mother’s voice often came to me
With tears of comfort in the darkness of light!
There’s a great voice in the wind! It’s the warmth of the man in me,
The rhythm of sweet steps from Calvary in serene eyes,
In my body, stirred by youth’s searching youth;
In the cunning world of dreams and hopes!
I have still the burning questions of the first school
And seek answers in grand plans of a new home!
I’m young and my eyes dream of touching a star,
To grasp its light and its height to conquer!
So I think in my blindness of conviction in Baptism,
For as a child I have tasted of grace without question…
And followed a Light that I can see afar off…
Shall I be a stranger to the Way, the Sorrow and the Sigh?
I cannot ask myself these things, for joy is my concern,
And a gentle warmth surrounds me with a Father’s arm…
Over my shoulders that have fallen in times of faithlessness!
O light of the first Baptism you came here (…)!
I would rise to worship thee,
To thank thee for giving me power to know thee;
To fall into thy arms, to weep the first time in faith,
With the Cross on my breast in my numb hand!
But, you know, we’re here now, and no one can separate you…
The love of Eden stolen from Earth!
Now, in the New House, leave me, Holy Father, with humility,
Let me bend my eyes over the bloody earth of torment
And give due pardon to dark humanity,
As you, Father, through the Cross, have forgiven all!
And leave me, Daddy, dear, for a moment in the doorway…
Let me clasp my mother’s breast and feel her hands,
My childish head, gone into infinity!
I thank Him for giving me birth in spirit and years in life,
To believe in Thee, to know Thee, to touch Thee!
And pray, Father: keep it many days, let the world speak,
Of the son’s noble deed, and give him strength
Let the cross proclaim to the world on May Day, the day of Resurrection
When I am exalted in Christ’s glory!
I leave you, dear Mother, and be at peace,
For my love you will carry forever to my mother’s guidance!

(April 27, Year of Salvation 2012, Gherla, in the silence of sorrowful joy in my humble existence, the least among unworthy Christians… Sergiu Florin Iunian)