Statement by Nicu Steinhardt on the writing and typing of the manuscript of the “Diary of Happiness” (14 December 1972)

14 December 1972.

Statement by Nicu Steinhardt on writing and typewriting the manuscript of the “Diary of Happiness”.

Statement

The undersigned Steinhardt Nicu Aureliu, residing in Bucharest, 3 Ion Ghica Street, son of Oscar and Antoinette, born on 29 July 1912, retired, external collaborator of Univers and Minerva publishing houses, former political prisoner, sentenced in 1960 to 12 years hard labour, of which I served 5 years, released on 3 August 1964, hereby declares the following:

On 14 December 1972, I was invited by the militia to the Capital Police Headquarters, where I was informed that I was suspected of possessing contraband. I was asked if I objected to being searched. I immediately said no and returned home accompanied by several people who carried out a search in my presence, which revealed that no contraband had been found in my home. However, a typewritten manuscript entitled “Diary of Happiness” was taken from me.

I refer to this manuscript as a private diary written by me in my home during the years 1970-1971, in which I tried to give a detailed account of my religious conversion, i.e. my transition from Judaism to Christianity. I felt the need to explain to myself this process of my soul, which was particularly significant for me. The manuscript contains references to my first calls to the Christian religion, as well as an account of how the conversion actually took place. As this was linked to the years I spent in prison, the diary also contains memories and references to this 5-year period.

Through this diary I have tried to clarify for myself a complex process of the soul.

The manuscript was typed by a friend of mine, Yvonne Eșeanu, who was passing through the country last year and offered to type it for me. I have only one copy of this diary, as I did not intend to distribute it at home or abroad. Some of the drafts have been destroyed, others are still among my papers at home.

I have not attempted to take this manuscript across the border, nor have I given it to anyone to read, nor have I read it myself.

I would like to point out that this diary evokes the period of my youth and childhood and the various episodes or events that may have contributed to the action I later took. The years I spent in prison are also evoked, both in relation to the act of conversion itself and to the states of mind I experienced. The manuscript contains many references to quotations from literary and philosophical books, works, etc. that express Christian sentiments or thoughts and ideas that may evoke or reinforce thoughts or ideas related to my conversion.

Christianity, as I have understood it, is for me particularly connected with Orthodoxy, to which I have converted and from which I have made a creed. The manuscript also contains an affirmation of national feelings that testify to my deep attachment to the Romanian people and the country.

Of course, in this diary there are also references to places I have visited or to various events or conversations from different periods of my life, because the diary is not written chronologically, but according to the association of ideas that are not related to the flow of time. After evoking the hard years of imprisonment, but illuminated by the growing strength of religious faith, I evoked the period after liberation, the actual practice of the Christian faith and various reflections on it. The evocation of the person of my father occupies a rather important place in these memories.

The main reason that led me to write and systematise this diary was the need to shed light on a rather special process of my soul. I have not tried to hide any reality from myself, but I have put down on paper the ideas, memories and thoughts as they came to me. It was never my intention to distribute the text or share it with others. And the idea of sending it abroad seemed inconceivable and totally alien to my convictions, which could never have been reconciled with such a thing.

As I led a life of retreat and religious living, I found in this diary a means of systematically exposing to myself a whole inner turmoil. Since my condemnation was due solely to my refusal to be a witness to the accusation, the diary also contains sincere outbursts of rebellion, but it ends with the expression of a state of mind of peace and reconciliation with life and all its vicissitudes.

I would like to point out that this manuscript was found in a visible place in my house and that I did not consider it in the least as an act of hostility or propaganda against the regime of my country, but only – I repeat – as an act of liberation of the soul. It was natural that for a man with intellectual preoccupations like mine, the form of writing should embody the inner process of the soul.

As for the person who typed the text, I would like to point out that I know that Yvonne Eșeanu left the country, I believe, while I was in prison. I learnt that she later married in Israel, but was divorced. In any case, she was single when she came to the country by way of passage. I did not have any further correspondence with her. I do not know her current address. Before she left the country, she worked as a translator. I don’t remember her address before 1959.

As far as the draft of the work is concerned, I have only kept the copy found in my possession during the search. However, as I have not hidden anything, I do not rule out the possibility that there are parts of the draft among my papers.

I would like to point out that Yvonne Eșeanu did not take any copy with her, and that she only gave me one copy, because I categorically requested that there should not be more than one copy, so that I would not be in the position of wanting to distribute them, which was not my intention. It is possible that the above also typed a copy and that some of the pages of the manuscript are from this, but neither she nor I kept any other copies. I destroyed everything that was not in the manuscript.

This is my statement, which I give, confirm and sign.

14th December 1972

(ss / Nicu Steinhardt)

(ACNSAS, fonds, file no. 207, volume 4, pp. 289-295; document reproduced in Nicu Steinhardt in the Securitate files (1959-1989), edited by Clara Cosmineanu, Nemira Publishing House, Bucharest, 2005, pp. 154-156).